...so I forgot about dinner plans. In my defense, I'm getting shit sprung on me from 7 different directions...mom needed me to do stuff today, my uncle called cause he wanted to visit before I left, my other uncle wants to see me tomorrow afternoon, work is blowing up my phone, i'm trying to get everything together before we go back, things between US still aren't...how do I say this...progressing seems to be the right word. Everytime it seems to be I fuck something up.
....or is the bigger problem something else. Memory loss? I mean, I figured that some of what I experienced after my episode was...normal? But now I'm noticing I can't remember some details of certain things. I don't know if it's short or long term, but the more I think about it, the more...scared of it I am. And what do I tell her? I'm sure she'll just think it's more bullshit, but if I don't tell her, she'll be pissed that I didn't tell her...I can't do right by her. She's the only reason I've been able to deal with this whole shit sandwich, and when (it seems) she finally has enough and leaves me, I don't know what i'll do. I don't know if she knows how much I take EVERYTHING she says to heart, and I've got 8 pages of how I'm shit and worthless that I am, and I've been dwelling on that for a while now...if that's how she really feels about me and I can't change it, I don't even know why she's trying.
I'm getting too worked up and frustrated to write about this anymore...
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